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I Should�ve Taken That Left Turn at Albuquerque |
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Hello and welcome. If you're new here, be a dear and Read my Disclaimer. My diary not good enough for you? Fine, be that way. Try these instead: plf
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2002-05-22 - 9:47 p.m.� Today was a pretty good day, despite the fact that I still feel sort of crappy. The most significant thing about today was that I finally came to a decision on the whole High School Music Reunion. I am going to part of it. I bought a ticket to attend the concert. I am not, however, going to attend the get together dance, because I don't know anyone who is going. And it's being held in a pain in the ass location, so I don't want to take all the trouble (and the three buses) to get out to it, only to find that there is no one I like there. I am also not going to take part in the reunion band or choir. This is partly because I am way too chicken. I haven't touched my clarinet in at least 3 years (I bet most of you didn't even know that I owned a clarinet). I know I would suck. I was not all that good of a player while in high school, and I'm sure that 3 years of not playing really wouldn't improve my abilities. And the thing is, my music teacher scared me back in high school, and the thought of showing her that I still don't know my scales still frightens me. The biggest reason I'm not playing is that I really don't feel like reliving the past. Playing in the band was high school for me. And as much as I did enjoy being part of the music department, I don't really want to relive high school. As soon as I start thinking about it, all my neurotic insecurities start bubbling up again. I start to think of all the pettiness surrounding the people I didn't like. Worst of all, I find that when I start thinking about the reunion, my self worth starts plummeting. I'm not thin and pretty enough to face these people. I'm not successful enough, or rich enough. I'm not married enough. This is all completely ridiculous. My job my not be pretigious, but I do enjoy it (despite my whining). And it's an important job, and I'm good at it. Besides, my job doesn't define me. And sure, I'm not thin, but unless I'm going shopping for jeans, this usually doesn't bother me. I do have body image issues; what fat girl doesn't? But for the most part, I don't obsess over my weight. As for the not married part, I don't even want to be married now. I'm not sure if i ever want to be married. Except for the purposes of going "Ha! You thought I was a loser in high school, but look at me now! See how thin and successful and happy and married I am?" on occasions like these. See? I told you the thought of this reunion is making me neurotic. But I figure, if I don't go to at least part of it, I will regret it. So, I'm going to the concert. That way I can mingle with people in an easily escapable environment. I'm glad I bought a ticket to the concert. Especially considering that after I got home from work, I got a phone call I got a phone from one of the few people I actually from those days that I want to get back in touch with. She and her sister are essentially 2 of 3 people who I figured would be going who I am looking forward to seeing. She called to see if I was going, and if I needed a ride. It was fabulous talking to her again. Even though I haven't really talked to her in about 2 years, it didn't feel like any time had passed. And she feels about the reunion pretty much how I do, although she is planning to play in the reunion band. She's a braver soul than I am, that's for sure. I got some interesting news at work today too. We found out who will be replacing my departing boss, and everyone should be really happy with the decision. It's someone that I didn't even know was in consideration for the job, but I really like her, and I think she will do a good job. Everybody in the office really likes her, so I think she will be a good person to work for. It may be a little strange having her be my boss, because I often joke with her on a coworker to coworker level-- meaning that we joke about management's unreal expectations. And now she is management. But the fact that she is new to management is probably good, right? She's been a lackey for a long time, so she'll know what are reasonable things to expect from her lackeys. And I think she is way too down to earth to drift off into managementland. So there you have it: a truly eventful day in Heatherland.
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The big 3 0 - 2006-06-03 Hello again - 2006-05-03 Random stuff in place of an actual update - 2006-03-15 Pictures. Just Because. - 2006-02-23 Christmas 05 - 2005-12-26 Currently listening to: Sarah McLachlan, Prayer for St. Francis |
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