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I Should�ve Taken That Left Turn at Albuquerque |
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Hello and welcome. If you're new here, be a dear and Read my Disclaimer. My diary not good enough for you? Fine, be that way. Try these instead: plf
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2000-12-13 - 4:19 pm� My brain hurts. My extended family has finally come to the realisation that my grandmother cannot be left alone right now. The phrase "it's about damned time" springs to mind, but I am trying not to be to bitter and resentful. I still feel bitterness and resentment towards them, but I'm trying to put it aside and give them their due. Sunday night was the last night my mom had to stay at my grandmother's. The rest of the family has been taking their turn since then, and they are doing it more or less willingly. I say more or less willingly because they are still calling and asking when my mom is going to go back there again. Mom is being strong. She told them to ask her again when they have each put in their three nights. She is also repeatedly telling them about her life: the fact that she works 8 and a half hours a day on her feet, the fact that she does not have a car and therefore must walk from work to my grandmother's at 11:30pm on the nights she stays there, the fact that crappy jobs at donut shops don't give paid sick time or family time or whatever-- if she is not able to go to work for whatever reason, she doesn't get paid. She has also been reiterating over and over that she cannot afford to not work, that she can barely afford her costs of living as it is, and in fact does not make enough to support herself and my brother, and would probably have to get government subsidies if I was not contributing a good chunk of the expenses every month. They pretend to understand this, and the accept it for a little while, but not for very long. Honestly, they have no idea what it's like to be poor. Not one of them has ever wondered if there would be enough money to pay the rent and buy food. I don't think any of them want to accept that we live like this either. If they had to honestly acknowledge that we struggle this hard, they might feel compelled to help us out. So anyway, they pretend to understand that mom can't afford to miss work. They take their turns staying with my grandmother. Sure, fine, whatever. But! (drum roll please) They have collectively come up with a new idea. How about my mom just quits her job and takes care of my grandmother full time! They'll pay mom for doing this, hell, they'll even pay her a little more than she's making at her crappy donut lady job! Uh, sure, that seems fair. Quit her crappy physically demanding job and take a 24 hour a day physically, and emotionally demanding job instead. A job where she will not be paying into Employment Insurance or the Canada Pension Plan (so basically, when this care of my grandmother would end for whatever reason, mom would have nothing to show for it as far as the government is concerned). Also, once the job ended she would probably end up back at another crappy job, and would have lost her seniority, her status as a supervisor, and the piddly $1.10 over minimun wage that she has worked her way up too. And let's not forget the emotional toll this job would take. My grandmother is not an easy woman to be around. She is really not an easy woman to be around now. I honestly don't think my mom could take looking after her. She is not all that young anymore herself, she has had problems with high blood pressure. What galls me most about this is that some of my aunts and uncles would think to ask my mother to do this because they don't want to do it themselves. Can they really be that self centred to think that if they can't/don't want take care of my grandmother, that my mom should be able to do it? Yes, apparantly they can be that selfish and clueless. I'm so thrilled to share a gene pool with these people. Anyway, as I said, mom is being strong and telling them "No!" But I'm still really worried about her. Everytime she has to deal with this, and tell them "no," it stresses her out. Being strong takes its toll too, especially if you don't have much experience standing up for yourself. I would so love to call up the head of this little posse (I've earlier referred to her as "Aunt Bitch Goddess") and tell her what she is doing to my mother. I want to tell her how this is stressing out my mother, how much I'm worried about her. I want to tell her to think about what she is expecting from my mother. I can't do it though. It's not my place. I have to let my mom deal with this... ...for now, anyway. We are supposedly having a family meeting on the weekend to discuss the future care of my grandmother. I am going to this meeting. I have two main reason for doing this. The first reason is to share my knowledge of the community resources available for seniors in the community. I learned alot about Meals on Wheels, homemakers, and other such services at my last job. I also made many contacts. If we decide that this is the route to go, to have her stay in her home but receive outside help, I can get these things set up for her quickly. The second reason I am going is to be another voice of support for my mom. I won't be the only one backing her up, thankfully. My mom has one brother and sister-in-law who aren't totally clueless assholes. In fact, not only are they not clueless assholes, they feel that my mother has always done more than her share of caring for grandmother, and are quite indignant when the others try to lay everything on my mother. Unfortunately they are only 5 and 6 years older than I am, and carry only slightly more clout with the others than I do. I'm hoping that the four of us together as a united front will be able to stand up for my mother properly. I get really pissed off when people try to take advantage of my mother. There is no one that deserves getting screwed over less than my mother does. She would do (and has done) anything for her children, and she has done it pretty much on her own. She is one of the most selfless and caring people in the world, and my family likes to take advantage of that. If anyone tries anything now though, they are just damn well going to have to get through me first. I'm angry and I'm on the offensive. Don't mess with me, damn you, I just don't need it right now.
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The big 3 0 - 2006-06-03 Hello again - 2006-05-03 Random stuff in place of an actual update - 2006-03-15 Pictures. Just Because. - 2006-02-23 Christmas 05 - 2005-12-26 Currently listening to: |
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