|
I Should�ve Taken That Left Turn at Albuquerque |
||||
|
Hello and welcome. If you're new here, be a dear and Read my Disclaimer. My diary not good enough for you? Fine, be that way. Try these instead: plf
|
2000-10-16 - 10:03 pm� You know, honestly, I think I would like to be about 3 dress/pant/blouse/whatever sizes smaller and that's it. That wouldn't make me skinny by any stretch of the imagination, but it would plop me just inside of the "regular" sizes in a lot of clothing lines. I don't think that most people believe me when I say that I don't care too much that I am fat. Most people usually give me a patronizing "Well that's the most important thing, right?" comment, but they don't really get it. Sure, there are days when I look at myself and think, oh you fat cow, why did you eat that chocolate bar today. I had those days alot when I was around 11 or 12, and they still haven't gone away. They probably never will. Honestly though, most of the time I am fine with the way I look. My weight doesn't define me. Or maybe it does. I've been a big girl for over half of my life. It's part of who I am. I read a line once that went something like "a fat girl will always be fat in her mind, even if she loses weight." I think that's true, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that necessarily. A few years ago I read a great book called Beauty Secrets. I think the author's name was wendy chapkis, although I'm not completely sure. Anyway, the first half of the book is a very academic look at how women's body images are shaped. The second half is made up of informal testemonial essays from women of all sizes, races, colours, sexual orientations, disabilities, etc, etc. The essay that struck a chord with me was one from a woman who had been "overweight" for most of her life, but had lost a lot of weight, giving her a body closer to the social ideal. Everytime she met a new person, she would think to herself, "What would they think of me if they knew I used to be fat? Would they want to get to know me now if I was still fat?" I think right there, that sums up everything for me. I don't think I'd want to be friends with people if I honestly had to question why they wanted to be my friend. I don't want people to like me for artifical reasons. I don't need to be popular to be happy. I need close friends who can love me for who I am. I read somewhere else (Women's Studies 101 did wonders for my self esteem) that being fat can be seen as a political statement. I like that. The conscious decision not to diet as a rebellion against the socially imposed standard of thinness equals perfection, thinness equals happiness. Because you know what? It doesn't equal happiness. Why can't I be happy as a big girl? Being thin would not do anything to improve the level of happiness in my life. Except maybe, for the times when I have to go clothes shopping.
|
The big 3 0 - 2006-06-03 Hello again - 2006-05-03 Random stuff in place of an actual update - 2006-03-15 Pictures. Just Because. - 2006-02-23 Christmas 05 - 2005-12-26 Currently listening to: |
||