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I Should�ve Taken That Left Turn at Albuquerque |
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Hello and welcome. If you're new here, be a dear and Read my Disclaimer. My diary not good enough for you? Fine, be that way. Try these instead: plf
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2000-10-15 - 6:06 pm� So that guy from the bus station called me today. We're going out on Thursday. It's a very casual date, at least I think so-- bar trivia, and a couple beers on 25 cent wing night at the neighbourhood sports bar. Is everyone proud of me? I'm going to go out and be social. Yay me. It's been... oh lord, it's been close to 2 years since my last real date. How sad is that? But the thing is, there are just so many loose ends in my life, so many things that I want more than a boyfriend or an active dating life. I want a permanent job. I want to move out of this apartment. I want to move out of this city. I want more good friends (who live close by). I want a kitten. I want a cd burner... then, maybe the next thing on the list is "I want to date people." I've never ever felt like there was (or is) a big gaping hole in my life from the lack of a boyfriend. Independence has always been the most important thing to me. I don't ever want to need to rely on anyone else. I want to do things on my own, prove to everyone that I am capable without anyone's help. Part of it, of course, has to be because of the fact that my father is a good for mothing bastard. He tried his damnedest to control my mother, to get such a grip on her life that she couldn't do anything without him. I watched it happen for years, even after my mom got up the courage to leave him, and I became determined that I would never let that happen to me. I don't ever want to be in that situation. And part of it is because with just a few exceptions, when I have had to rely on people, they've let me down. There are only a few people-- my mom, my brother, and a few close friends-- who I feel I can count on for anything. But a big part my attitudes towards independence stem from the simple fact that I am stubborn. I know I am. At 24 years old I am already stuck in my ways. I am going to be the most miserable old woman ever if I am this stuck in my ways in youth. And dating is such an evil, torturous process, especially at first. You have to be friendly, smile a lot, share details of your life with someone you barely know, and you have to try to be interested in the details of their life, even if their details are not nearly as interesting as your own. I hate doing all that. So, on Thursday, may all your good thoughts be with me. Or maybe your good vibes should be directed towards the guy. He'll probably need them more than I will.
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The big 3 0 - 2006-06-03 Hello again - 2006-05-03 Random stuff in place of an actual update - 2006-03-15 Pictures. Just Because. - 2006-02-23 Christmas 05 - 2005-12-26 Currently listening to: |
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