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I Should�ve Taken That Left Turn at Albuquerque |
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Hello and welcome. If you're new here, be a dear and Read my Disclaimer. My diary not good enough for you? Fine, be that way. Try these instead: plf
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2000-09-29 - 12:38 pm� Hello from Toronto. Had a good time last night at the concert. It was an excellent show, with a lot of new material I hadn't heard before. I'm so glad I came down here for it. And I'm glad I came down here too, because I always like seeing Sarah and Craig and I don't get to do that much now that they are here and I am still living in Hellhole. And for the record, Craig, the diaryland-less wonder, made it clear that he doesn't just tolerate me, but welcomes me happily into his home. :) Thanks man, I need to hear stuff like that. Even though I like to pretend that I'm not insecure, I am really insecure when it comes to my friends. I think I have reason to be. Or maybe I'm just paranoid. That's always a real possibility. But I have a history of valuing people's friendship more than they value mine. I'm the kind of person who thrives on having a few really close friends as opposed to a large circle of acquaintances and friends who don't know me very well. I think sometimes I expect/hope/whatever that every friend I have will be one of the "few close friend" people instead of a person who just counts me among the legions of their friends. This much is my fault. I know it is. Everyone is not exactly like me, I shouldn't assume they are. But here's the thing. Sometimes I grow pretty confident in the belief that I am important to a friend. It is usually with good reason. Someone tells me I'm their best friend. I go out with/call/e-mail on a near daily basis with this person. I confide everything to this person, as she does to me. I count on this person, trust this person... And then all of a sudden she gets a boyfriend and realizes that she doesn't really need me. Okay in case it's not obvious, I've now moved out of the realm of generalities and am talking about one specific person. A person who I am supposed to meet tomorrow. Right now I'm not sure I want to meet with her. I'm nervous that it won't go well. It's been a long time since I've seen here and I got the impression that she is not as interested in seeing me as I am in seeing her. I'm not sure whether or not I should even write this stuff here, because I did give her a link to this diary... I'm nearly positive that she has never even given it a glance though, because her domain name has never come up on my sitemeter. Just one example of me trying to share something with someone who really isn't interested. My bad. I really should have known better this time. Sigh. Maybe I should stop making friends altogether. I've got Sarah and Craig. And my brother. And Marla. And my friend from last year's crappy temp job. And of course, my internet friends, bless their hearts. Katie has never let me down. Damn it all. I should be happy. I am in Toronto, visiting with people who love me. And I am happy. Really, honestly. I've just got this underlying feeling of dread about tomorrow. I'm afraid my friend won't be there, or that she will be there but she won't really be there to see me. I'm neurotic and paranoid. Wait, that doesn't should happy... ah, to hell with it. This entry is rambly and incoherant anyway. No need to start making sense now. "Sure, fine, whatever!" --Scully, "Syzygy" The X-Files
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The big 3 0 - 2006-06-03 Hello again - 2006-05-03 Random stuff in place of an actual update - 2006-03-15 Pictures. Just Because. - 2006-02-23 Christmas 05 - 2005-12-26 Currently listening to: |
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