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I Should�ve Taken That Left Turn at Albuquerque |
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Hello and welcome. If you're new here, be a dear and Read my Disclaimer. My diary not good enough for you? Fine, be that way. Try these instead: plf
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2001-05-27 - 6:40 p.m.� In exactly one week I will be turning 25. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I know, I know, 25 is not old. It's not even close to old. It does, however, put me square into my mid twenties. There is no denying that I am in adulthood now. I feel like I should have accomplished more by now. Or at least, have done more to put me on the road to accomplishment. Or possibly figured out what exactly it is that I want to do with my life and start planning how to get there. 25 feels like too old to be living with my mother, in a city I hate, in a job I'm way too overqualified for. I know full well that I am living here for a reason. I'm making the choice to help out my mom, and that means living with her in a city I hate, at least for now. I recognize that I have chosen to make sacrifices. I am mostly okay with that. But I do sometimes feel like I am making excuses, stagnating because I want to. I wonder if I am comfortable here in mediocrity. Sure, I'm often unhappy with my situation, but if there were no familial responsibilities to think of, would I change things? If my mom were financially sound on her own, would I actually leave this city? Would I honestly take a chance on myself, or would I stay here because it's easier, because there is no risk involved? I do think I may have some fear of failure issues. When I was younger I was always told that I could do anything, and I believed it. But as I've grown up I learned that isn't exactly true. You cannot have complete control over your life. It's impossible. And had my fair share of disappointment, and I don't like it. Disapointment is something I try to avoid, where I can. Life can be hard enough without trying to reach for things you don't get to have. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, but nothing lost either. But I think that I really need to set some attainable goals for myself. I need to do things that are difficult, that require chance. I just need to figure out what I can realistically do. I know I can't move out on my mom. Well, I could, but I'd feel pretty bad about it. But maybe I could look at actually making myself write regularly, and not just talk about it. Maybe I could actually start getting out and looking for something to do instead of just complaining about the lack of things to do. I don't know. I just know that I have to make some changes or else I'm going to go crazy... crazier.
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The big 3 0 - 2006-06-03 Hello again - 2006-05-03 Random stuff in place of an actual update - 2006-03-15 Pictures. Just Because. - 2006-02-23 Christmas 05 - 2005-12-26 Currently listening to: |
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