|
I Should�ve Taken That Left Turn at Albuquerque |
||||
|
Hello and welcome. If you're new here, be a dear and Read my Disclaimer. My diary not good enough for you? Fine, be that way. Try these instead: plf
|
2000-07-14 - 9:43 pm� The office I'm working at is fairly casual. When Manpower assigned me the job they told me that the dress was "business casual." People at the office where open toed shoes and shorts. We don't deal with clients face to face, so it's not really important to look business like. As long as we sound business like over the phone, it's all good. Anyway, told I wore a relatively low cut top. Nothing obscene or really unprofessional, but it does show a teesy bit a cleavage. And I caught one of the young tech guys looking at my boobs. It was fairly innocent, he wasn't gawking, just looking. When he realized that I caught him he smiled sheepishly and turned away. And it made me feel good. I get a little thrill whenever I see someone checking me out and seemingly appreciating what he sees. I suppose that would surprise a lot of people, considering I am a pretty much a feminist (see yesterday's rant). But I don't consider it to be too much of a contradiction of my feminism, because my body size is not the type that is usually objectified. I'm a big girl. And by the term "big girl" I mean "fat" although I don't like that word because that word was often used to insult me when I younger. I've had some body image issues throughout my life. I still do. Though I'm pretty much okay with the way I look, it is still a somewhat tender issue with me. I have always been pretty confident in myself. When I was little my parents told me I was beautiful, no conditions attached. I never had good any of that "oh you have such a pretty face" crap from anyone. And more important than being told that I was beautiful, I was complimented and appreciated for being smart, for getting good grades, for being responsible, for my writing abilities, for my artistic abilities, for being a good friend, for being a good sister... I always knew that I was a worthwhile individual, and my appearance had nothing to do with it. But even though I got all these positive messages from all the people in my life who counted, I did get teased because of my weight on occasion. There was one particularly obnoxious girl in Grade 4 who made me cry by calling me "Beachball". Of course, children can be mean and I hold no grudges now. I know that there are a few people who look back at me as being a particularly obnoxious girl in grade school too... And everytime someone teased me it drove my self confidence down a little. I went through quite a good chunk of time in my life (read: High School) where it wasn't always enough for me that I was smart and talented. I wanted to be skinny too. And the more I thought about this, I started to obsess a little. I started to think that other people were judging me on my weight alone. And maybe some of them were. I don't know. It doesn't really matter though. I know that now. University was the turning point for me. I made friends fairly easily, I realised that people cared what I had to say, and it suddenly hit home to me that all the things that I had always been told were good about me, really were worthwhile. And if people were only going to concentrate on my weight, then screw them. Their loss, not mine. I'll probably always wonder if my life were different if I were skinnier. Maybe I'd be happier. Maybe the idea of dating wouldn't seem like such an awful process... I don't know. Wow. All this from a guy I don't even really know or care about giving a quick stare at my boobs...
|
The big 3 0 - 2006-06-03 Hello again - 2006-05-03 Random stuff in place of an actual update - 2006-03-15 Pictures. Just Because. - 2006-02-23 Christmas 05 - 2005-12-26 Currently listening to: |
||