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Big Fat Blog

2003-05-12 - 7:05 a.m.�
So 27 must be the year of the neurotic tendencies.

I'm turning 27 in a less than a month.

For some reason, this number is causing me distress. 27 is no longer early to mid twenties. 27 is undeniably "adult."

It's not that I don't feel like an adult. I think, recently, finally, I do feel like an adult. I don't know what the trigger was. The realization that I've been paying rent for other a year. Or the realization that I have been out of school for 4 years now. Possibly it was doing my taxes myself this year. Or wrestling with the possibility of having to take care of my mother if her eye surgery doesn't do what it's supposed to.

The thing is that I always thought I'd be farther ahead by now. I thought by now I'd know what I want to do with my life. More than that, I thought by now I'd be on my way.

I feel so flaky. I don't know what to do. When I was young, I always had goals, and plans of how to achieve them. Now I don't even know what the hell I want out of life. I am happy enough with my living arrangements, and I've heavily deliberated over the pros and cons of my current job, and come up with the fact that I don't have a great deal of desire to change things in the immediate future. However, I know I don't want to

do what I'm doing now forever. But all I have are vague ideas, and snippets of plans of how I might find something that would make me happy in the long term.

I know that eventually I am going to have to make some choices, and take some risks if I want to change anything, and get up out of this rut. Right now though, I don't really want too. I think the conflict is that I don't really want to change things yet, that I feel like I should want to do change things, that I should have already gone through this, and taken my risks, and already be in a more "adult" place.

I feel like an immature 27 year old.

I think I'm getting neurotic about this whole thing. Is it be completely neurotic to want to start lying about my age? Yes, it probably is.

yesterday tomorrow

Recent Nonsense:

The big 3 0 - 2006-06-03

Hello again - 2006-05-03

Random stuff in place of an actual update - 2006-03-15

Pictures. Just Because. - 2006-02-23

Christmas 05 - 2005-12-26

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