I Should�ve Taken That Left Turn at Albuquerque

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Big Fat Blog

2005-04-20 - 11:07 p.m.�
And this is as polite as I'm going get on the subject. Next time I won't wait until I've cooled down.

To Edi:

I just found your post in my guestbook, and I have to comment.

Do you honestly think that because you read my infrequently updated journal you know me? Or that you know what I should do with my life?

Seriously now, let's think this through. You read my journal. This means that you read about a small portion of my life. Sure, you read a lot of complaints about my job, but that's because this is my outlet. It's my journal and I write about what I want to write about.

For the record, I don't hate my job. And also? I don't want to move to Toronto. I have absolutely no interest in that.

You say, "Do something !!!! And report about it in your diary." I am doing something. I'm doing a lot of somethings to make myself happy, and improve my life. But it's up to me to share or not share as I see fit. And quite frankly, I'm not up to sharing everything.

Again, this is my journal. This is my space. But it is also a public space that can be read by anyone and everyone. It is my right to limit what I post for the world to see. I decide what to write about here, no one else.

But as a reader you also have a decision to make: you can decide to continue reading, or to move on. If you decide you don't enjoy reading what I want to post, you don't have to read it. Escape is just a mouse click away.

I've had this diary for nearly 5 years now. It's been wonderful, but over the past year or so I've been steadily feeling less comfortable about sharing my life on the internet. It's partly a privacy issue, but that's not the only reason. In some ways I feel like I am writing for my readers instead of for me. I find myself not wanting to offend or disappoint or worry anyone. I feel like I've created an image that I need to maintain so that I don't upset anyone.

I don't want to feel that way anymore. And I don't want to feel like I need to abandon this diary altogether, as tempting as it is to just quit here and write only in my private journal.

I don't know what to do about it. And people, feel free to post in my guestbook. I wouldn't dream of telling anyone that they can't send me a message if they want to. But if you're offering me unsolicted advice, keep in mind that it's doubtful that I will listen. Because once and for all, it's my journal, and it's my life. I'm the only one who gets to call the shots.

yesterday tomorrow

Recent Nonsense:

The big 3 0 - 2006-06-03

Hello again - 2006-05-03

Random stuff in place of an actual update - 2006-03-15

Pictures. Just Because. - 2006-02-23

Christmas 05 - 2005-12-26

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